Saturday, January 2, 2016

ASSERTIVENESS



(From my book of Aphorisms- 'Thoughts To Make You Think' By Helen Leigh - Chapter One - Personal Development)


True Assertion and Confidence creates Stability, Care and Calmness.
It isn't to be misconstrued as bossiness or rudeness.
And True Assertion isn't delivered with hardness, it is the opposite.

To be the right kind of Assertive you must deliver it with direct, clear, softness. If you must say something forcefully or with anger, then whatever you are doing, it is not for the right reasons.

...It is strength of Character and an honest trust in what is Right that is delivered with ease not force.

It also enables others to feel assured that they know where they stand with you and where you are coming from because you are unafraid to tell them, and you know what you want and are a clear and balanced person.

As opposed to the unassertive person who is a shakey, questioning, guessing person, who will constantly ask what you think;.. and that you should go first, and question you as to what they should do,.. this actually inadvertently enables everyone else to work for them and sort out their lives.

Don't mistake assertiveness with rudeness and unassertive-ness with kindness, in the end it is much kinder to not 'lead people up the garden path' and become involved in something you don't like and wont follow through with because you weren't honest and said 'Yes', when you should have said 'No', People get far more hurt in this process, when a quick 'No' would have saved a lot of pain for you both.

As another example: In the animal kingdom if an animal shows this sneaky, shakeyey, uncertainty; they get eaten :) And Humans don't like this behaviour also, because instinctually we know this uncertainty is not going to care for us or defend us when we truly need it; and all respect is lost.

True Assertive people don't use this directness and strength in a hard, angry or egoist way; that only happens when someone is pretending to be Confident and Assertive but is actually afraid and attacking as a defence, the ones who come from this angle are selfish and are not being assertive or confident to help or care for others, but doing it for selfish power reasons, you can always tell this person because they feel the need to raise their voice and talk loudly over others.

True Assertiveness Holds people in place, shows a clear path and allows others to relax and trust in you. This is one of the marks of a good character and someone who will lead and go far in life.

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